Men and Bubbles

I’m not living in a bubble. I just thought I should say that first, and right now it doesn’t matter how I type or how I say it, but I will let you know that I’m not in a bubble.

I fell in love with him, and that’s a painful truth that I’m trying not to regret. I’m trying not to regret having fallen in love with my former best friend because he became all I ever wanted or needed. He was my role model, my king, “my diary”. I’ve just realised that I have known him for over 3 years now as a person, so, let’s scratch that part….. I’m holding my own down I swear. I have my positions and titles going on here. You know, the whole strong independent woman scenario going on. I’m holding my own down especially since I’ve taken care of myself for years( the reality of being fatherless for ages). Here’s the thing with falling hard for someone, that’s if you fall as stupidly deep as I did. You become their reflection without realising it. You mirror their behaviour, you mirror their actions and the things they love and admire. So I only realised it after we had stopped talking that I had fallen in love with 2 things that he loved: aviation and Real Madrid. I only realised it when I was on Instagram and saw the coolest pic of a plane about to take off, and I hollered. I got excited to see that pic. I brushed it off till there was a Madrid game and I geared up for it without even thinking of his ass at all. It was all me. This is who I’ve become. I’ve become that person who genuinely loves football and loves aviation and everything to do with aviation, but I guess I flinch a bit when I have to remember that he contributed to my becoming this way.

I’m not in love with him. I’m not in that bubble. I’ve just become his reflection and it has become who I am, but raaargh people are trying me here! Asking why I post about aviation and Jordan ( the country), all I’m thinking is that ” Can’t a girl love things without being taken back to him.” I think his ghost is hovering over me haha, I’m so tired of being asked about him. Can I just enjoy my 2017. I’m about to hand over my title as Co-President of my university Student Council and I’m so not ready to part ways with the team yet so ready for the free nights to turn up. I’m not in a bubble. I’m well aware of where I stand, it’s just that loving him has really taught me that you can become a reflection of the person you love   loved. Time for my mocktaiiiiiiil in bed * laughs*

 

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