Happy New Year (Sort of)

I know……. outdated, but let’s work with me here. First thing’s first, I’m blogging at 3am, so you know I’m getting real. Nope, no alcohol, no shots and no coffee.

____________________________________________________________________So, I lost the love of my life. No, he didn’t die, or get hit by a bus although that bus hit and run idea, never mind. So, I lost him. Plain and simple.Let’s keep it real, SHAZ101 knowledge. So many times I was asked what exactly he was to me. The Jordanian guy, incase one of you fake friends who creep here had gotten lost. Yes the aviation one, that guy. Everytime I was asked to define what exactly he was to me, I couldn’t, because he was more than everything my life desired. He was genuinely the love of my life and my role model since my dad passed on 9 freaking years ago. You know how I am genuinely an openbook,yet, there were things I only told him. He understood me. He was my calming person when everything was literally inserts dog pop emojiI recently had to obnoxiously and unfortunately or fortunately declare myself my own role model a few weeks ago. He was my inspiration, straight up, but beech, in his infamous words, ” I don’t see a future to this” was what left me feeling a bit like Bridget Jones, but I’m working too hard to build myself and my life to have cried for too long.

___________________________________________________________________Don’t get me wrong, I did cry though. I will admit that part, infact, I grieved. I grieved the loss of nolonger being able to have something happen to me, good or bad, and I rush to my phone to tell him first, or send him silly videos of myself which would never happen on a normal day because of my work and all. I’m “A+” game when I am working or in school. I grieved that I had somehow ended up as his reflection, in my own little world, I saw myself as his reflection. I met his sister by the way.(Gorgeous woman I swear! Those arab genes don’t play). She came to BKK and I needed her help to plan his birthday presents which were a total hit! I did grieve, and without any arguement or cussing, I accepted being told that there was no future, despite everything we had talked about, but I won’t post that part (sorry, I know I said I will be serving an extra hot cup of honesty, but sorry). I didn’t say anything to anyone for a bit and after the New Year,  then I slowly started removing his pics on my Instagram haha, but I left the ones where I had my own personal story for that day that made me fall for him even more and post the pic, but petty me, I did remove the captions for those pictures that I left.

____________________________________________________________________The only reason I didn’t fight, incase you think I’m selfish,was because I didn’t have the strength, you can’t fight when you’ve already given your all , and I need a clear head to keep this scholarship at uni lol. Now? I’m over it ,and so it feels like the year has finally started for me, and the fact that I am busy sweating planning the first International women’s day workshop for my university.Whoop whoop! No I didn’t get under any man to get over this one, I just told myself that this one time, I’m going to love myself the way I loved him. Im going to overdose on myown love I swear.

Note to self: nomore associating with men whose names start with an ” O” . Let me add ” haha” so you can think I’m joking. Haha…….

And he will always be the love of my life, but I matter more to myself now (and my career and anticipated travelling after graduating)

Royale


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