I remembered I blogged 6 posts previously about ” Chronicles of being an African Daughter” especially one like me, one that is, you know, little miss independent, and I promised one more chronicle. I post-poned it since September but here we are……………..
” If you were asked what lesson, one lesson, did you learnt this year, what would it be?”
To give up being understood and to be stereotyped. I have given up being understood. Unless someone actually becomes you, then they won’t understand you, at the same time, don’t use that card to be a total drag. It’s been a year and a month since moving to Bangkok and gosh did things change, which is exactly what should happen in a year, and I failed to understand other people, only to realise that was okay because maybe I shouldn’t understand them, and it doesn’t make them or I bad people. I try my best to not cross certain lines but since it’s public knowledge that I’m not exactly supported by those I should call family ( apart from Facebook comments of course), this has taught me to understand that it’s perfectly okay. I could never fit stereotype patterns in any way because already I broke that silly belief that fatherless girls always turn out to be bleep.
I mean, I knew I wanted this year to be amazing but it surpassed my expectations. It really did. I have realised that being understood maybe isn’t all that. When I turn down an offer to go out because I’m genuinely extra broke (and regret the fancy shoes I bought a month ago), I don’t expect anyone to understand. When I get called names , I don’t expect anyone to defend me anymore. When I’m having a long day and just want to break down, I don’t expect anyone to relate to that feeling at that moment. When I correct a friend or someone with their best interest at my heart and they lash out at me, I don’t expect an apology or even anything close to that. When I have no food in my fridge and surviving on coins, I don’t expect anyone to understand my need to be alone. At the same time, my good grades, my love to work, my over exaggerated love and wanting to love people can be taken for being needy and naggy. Again, I no longer expect anyone to understand me anymore.
As of 1 Jan 2017, you’re all off the hook. I’m so proud of who I am right now and I can only hope my life becomes a story of inspiration to other little African girls who grow up being told they don’t amount to being anything. 2016, you’ve been good. 217, let’s do even better